sigh.
The weather has changed. It is cold, dark and gloomy. It rains a lot of the time now and people aren't so smiley and happy. There's loads of bugs going around too. What is it about the end of the year and this country. Are they/we not greatful for the possibility of seeing another year?
This is also the time when the newspapers rant on about teenage/young persons suicide. This is the time of the year when young people tend to do themselves in. I am witness to this as i remember it was this time last year that my then french housemate, a lovely 23year old girl tried to kill herself. Why do they do it?
Most foreign (no i mean African, especially Nigerian) students will laugh really loudly at this...Kill yourself ke? I suppose that is the benefit of coming from a country with a high death rate, life in itself being a gift to be thankful for. Depression supposedly being a foreign phenomenon that the oyinbo (white/european) students tend to feel. This is not true.
Most young African/Nigerian people go through depression like their counterparts in other parts of the world, we just deal with things differently. First of all we wouldn't kill ourselves. That is completely out of the question. That said, the feeling of black and empty remain and are usually held in check through "prayer", a "pastor" or going crazy on booze and drugs. The request for a Psychologist? Out of the question. This is how so many underlying factors of societies ills go unchecked.
I am depressed a lot of the time. I shouldn't be! I have it all going for me some would argue. I am top in my studies, not at all bad looking, not fat, not poor, the life of the party when i want to be and to a certain degree highly focused; but still....
When i suggested seeing a Psychologist, my friend snorted in disbelief...a psycholgist ke? What on earth for? Abeg nothing is wrong with you, abi you have started moving with oyinbo people too much....
Is it so un-Nigerian to be depressed, or to admit it? Is it so wrong to get professional help? especially going by the fact that i don't have a "pastor"? Sigh.
posted by internationalhome @ 1:34 pm
10 comments
10 Comments:
anyone who says africans don't get depressed is lying to themselves. And we do have suicides. I remember a friend of my father's shot himself in the head because he couldn't provide for his family anymore. And what about Okonkwo??
But nowadays with the prevalence of islam and christianity, ppl believe that killing yourself will land you in hell.
I get depressed too, and the main reason i haven't seen a psychologist yet is bcuz the times i wanted to, I couldn't afford it. but since you're in school, i suggest you try your health centre. Talking to one of the psych professors at my school helped me a lot.
Please ignore your friends. they don't know what it's like being you, so how can they tell you seeking help is 'western' or white? they should shut up abeg.
Everchange you are def on my wavelength. I also brought up the okonkwo issue(only because it was a focal point of discussion on the BBC world book club with chinua achebe)and someone suggested that perhaps that's why westerners can identify with the character.
that said, i plan to take the plunge and see the psychologist in the end even if its just to find out what the effing prob is!
Sort of links up with the ongoing debate on maddonna's adopted child with reference to real problems on the african continent, a full stomach and western influences!
Everchange you are def on my wavelength. I also brought up the okonkwo issue(only because it was a focal point of discussion on the BBC world book club with chinua achebe)and someone suggested that perhaps that's why westerners can identify with the character.
that said, i plan to take the plunge and see the psychologist in the end even if its just to find out what the effing prob is!
Sort of links up with the ongoing debate on maddonna's adopted child with reference to real problems on the african continent, a full stomach and western influences!
Depression is a part of everyday life. Its important to have strategies for dealing with it. Meditating on positive things (people, places, memories etc) is a good idea. I always find going for a walk or doing exercise is a good way of getting out of the head.
I would never ever recommend pills for depression. However, St John's Wort, available from Holland & Barrett etc, is a good herbal way to stave off those black moods.
Being stuck in Cardiff in the winter is no joke however.. pele. You might just want to go and sit in a sauna.
I am a Nigerian, I was in therapy from age 18 till 25. I felt sucidal most of my life. What saved me was going into therapy. I don't know what would have happened to me. All the friends I new who had committed sucide (about 6 in all) were all Nigerians. Yet, non of their parents ever admit it to anyone. Please my sister, if you feel depressed go see a therapist. since you are still in school it is free. sometimes all you need is somebody to listen, somebody that is not your friend, lover or relative. take the plunge. Going through the British education system can be quite isolating and painful. My sister and I were the only black kids in the whole school. I was the only black woman on my degree program - both masters and BA. On top of the usual student pressure, there is also the familal pressure to perform and excel and not talk of the british weather. All this can bring temporary depression.
Hi, mtb, you tell me off for putting you on the psychologist’s couch…now you write about psychology. Well, all kinds of things here. Yes, the weather has changed. Autumn returns. But why do people get so perplexed because the darkness returns? On one hand, why do people impose this “end of the year” stuff on themselves? It is something in the cultural psyche this one… as if we have to be sad like the seasons! On the other hand, the declining amount of light does influence people. It is a medical fact. Seasonal Affective Disorder is a problem for many sufferers (including friends of mine). I remember the claim being made that EVERYONE in Nigeria was depressed. And the response that this was impossible: depression marks the lowest point of the mind: there must be a norm below which depression begins. The notion that depression belongs to “the oyinbo” is blatantly untrue, as you say: depression and mental disorders are a major concern for black males in the UK. It is interesting that Jung spoke of the Spirit and the Soul. The psychologist and the priest have different functions: depression, for me, belongs to the psychologist, not the priest, or more usually, the doctor. Often, people decide they are “depressed” too quickly: it is a terribly overused term. And sometimes darkness of the mind is needed—though not understood in the light-filled superficial cultures of today (European and African!) I don’t understand why it would be wrong for a black male to consider a psychologist—black men do have minds, after all. “Is it un-Nigerian to be depressed?” What has un-Nigerian got to do with it? The mind isn’t a country…the mind is more than Nigeria. No, it’s not wrong to get professional help. I don’t think you are depressed in the clinical sense…but you are distressed if you are asking these kinds of questions. Be kind to yourself…forget all these pre-conceptions about what it is to be a black male Nigerian. Be you and decide what you need. What happened to the new you…or perhaps this is it…being honest to yourself. You have a lot going for you, from what you say, and you are a wise man: wise men do not let others put them in mental boxes and tell them what to think. Be well. You need someone to talk to...that is what a therapist is...
a person who draws another out of darkness by listening. And don't look upon it as an "f****** problem" but as something to be talked about and healed--you are not a "problem", just human!
mtb,
I have a Nigerian friend who attempted suicide a couple of years ago after losing lots of money to a 419er in Lagos. And also I have heard several other stories of people who have taken their own lives. Are you sure you are not in Denial?
Anyway, nice blog, I will bookmark it for a read through in the future. Your comment elsewhere (NaijaBlog) piqued my interest as you are in Cardiff, not far from my home town of Newport. I spend much of my time in Lagos, but right now I'm home waiting to sit some exams.
Aaron.
You are talking about suicide and you bring up Okonkwo? Okonkwo? The fictional character out of a Chinua Achebe novel? Interesting.
Listen Talking Beginnings, what you feel is entirely normal. I think emotional over-analysis, the sort one naturally indulges in at the pscyhologist/therapist/psychatrist, is actually bad for you in several ways. However, it can help! You seem like a well-balanced individual, don't forget that.
Many thanks all for your kind comments.
@ Jeremy: Trying meditating already. Have attempted to create the right ambience with the right music in my immidiate space too. Will pop into town at the weekend for the stuff you recommended, thank God it wasn't Lithium! lol
@ anon: I'm so glad you left a comment, i've never encountered anyone like you. Whilst i accept your goodnatured advice, i point out that i am actually a guy not a girl. Does this say anything about Male african identity and admitting weakness?
@ eshu: What can i say?lol
cheers aaron,be sure to pop by your blog as well. Nice to see some one not so far from home!
@ fred: I think okonkwo's story was/is very poignant to the Nigerian male however archaic he/the story might seem. You strike a chord though, perhaps asking too many questions is not a good thing...
sometimes you really just need to talk to someone to figure things out.
And talking to strangers has always been the one of the most comfortable ways to do it. They don't know you so well, so you sometimes feel freer.
I first approached my a therapist in college, I was 17 years old and I had soo much pressure that I needed to confide in someone that I was scared.
When I told my friends I was scared, they didn't believe me, they thought I was seeking attention.
My parents didn't have the time to hear or listen to my fears, because they were dealing with their own fears at the time.
I had a 2 sessions and my fear overwhelmed me, I was confronting my demons and they scared me. I didn't go back.
about 2 years ago, I went back for a few reasons, I wanted to talk to someone free of judgement and work provided some free session.
Best move I ever made.
From one Nigerian to another, I highly recommend talking to a therapist.
All to often we Nigerians always say to each other, 'you are just fine' 'why do you need to talk about that' 'bury it and move on'.
but we never really do, and we wonder whyolder people become so bitter and resentful and seem to have issues.
It's good to talk. Never forget that. Be well and good luck.
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