Since when did i become a married Nigerian woman?

I finally know what it is like to be a married Nigerian woman. Yesterday was one of the longest days of my life. I started as early as five am sorting out things at home including emails and such. Was at work all day as had to catch up on work stuff and was there for practically twelve hours. That done, hopped on the train back home and was met at the train station by JF who reminded me that i needed to get food. So off to the shops for a marathon of shopping. It would have been much easier if JF didn't have a mild case of OCD. He insists that kitchen shelves be stacked in the style of a supermarket and the fridge, in a manner that pleases the eye....ahh, the bloody french!! So offloading food from the shopping bags into the kitchen was not an easy task as you can imagine. We were done just before nine and so JF let me go off to my friend Abi who had promised to cook me proper food....this was to entail lugging bags of food, ingredients and slaving in a kitchen alongside her for almost five hours. However, it was worth it. Every bone in my body ached but the smell of lovely jollof rice, barbecued chicken, stews and the like compensated. Her piece d'resistance was the beef pieces soaked in a special marinade she kicked me out of the kitchen to prepare. Some will wonder what the fuss is about, ranting on about jollof rice and the like. In my world of cornflakes and beans/toast, it is! Then it was lugging lunch packs of food back to my house at two am in the morning to have a long hot shower and finally bed with the best of Jill Scott!!!
Only difference between the married Nigerian woman and me is i didn't at this stage have to have sex with some stupid oily man!

I am very angry! Perhaps a better word would be melancholic as angry is too strong a word. I tried all weekend to ignore the happenings in Nigeria ref: the elections but couldn't. As i tried to search the internet and even the Nigerian tv station on sky, i was left to rely on reuters and the BBC....and we all know what sort of information you would be presented with when you go there. When will we realise that we need a media of our own? Alright, i am about to go off on a tangent so i'll stop there.
Back to my anger or melancholia or whatever it is i am feeling. My friend's dad passed away last weekend. Well, he is not actually my friend's dad but more his uncle. Any Nigerian reader would understand how this works as surrogate parenting is a norm in that part of the world where society overtakes the government in its duties. The man was very young...only about fifty if only just about. He worked away from home and worked very hard. Its a typical sad story. The kids are young and all at university. The eldest got jammed by JAMB (the awful matriculation exams to get into university which succeeds more at keeping people out than getting people in) and so is a late starter. The woman does not work and knows little about the man's business. The eldest boy is a teenager who is supceptible to manipulation. Bound by tradition, he is now the head of the family and therefore decision maker. I could go on and on about the woes of this issue. How do they survive someone might ask? They will. It is Nigeria afterall. Somehow everyone does.
I was reading on a comment posted by another reader on Funmi Iyanda's blog which talked about the death of a young man as a result of the unavailability of a dialysis machine which costs a mere 70k US dollars. The tragedy of this. Even more pronounced as i watched the London Marathon on television yesterday, people running for good causes and the like.
I apologise if i come across as incoherent, i am just confused right now. It is wrong that the little people suffer in this way. No one even knows what killed my friend's father. And then, there is the case of the dialysis machine which is just pathetic. Isn't it ironic that it costs the same as some governor's wife pocket money for summer in London? All this happens as Atiku and Buhari jostle for THAT power on the guise of protecting democracy. On the other side of the world, a real battle of ideologies ensues as Nikolas Szarkozy and Segolene royale battle our France...what is wrong with this world?
I better leave it, this is beginning to get to me!

There is a link to Funmi's blog on the left pane

The human stain!

I have just watched the movie 'the human stain' starring Nicole Kidman and Anthony Hopkins. A wonderful movie which centre's on how life could be when based on a false premise. This false premise here being the protagonist's pretense to be white; or passing as it was known. I remember doing quite a bit of reading on the phenomenon but seeing it happen in that movie was....
In America especially, it was not uncommon for light skinned black people who looked Caucasian to pass for white. Passing often meant giving up one's history, heritage and even immediate family. Can you imagine walking past your mother in the street and not being able to at least say hello? I remember reading about American fascist Lawrence Dennis who although anti-Semitic and possibly a Hitler sympathiser, passed for white. He was black as they came. He i think, presents a classic case of passing and the ironies that follow misrepresentation.
Passing was greatly explored by Harlem Renaissance artists like James Van Derzee who told stories about it through photography. Perhaps an even more harrowing account of this would be seen through accounts by Writer Sally Morgan who uses the Australian example as reference. She tells of how mixed race children (part aboriginal) or those who could pass for white were removed from their homes and moved to hostels to ensure segregation....all of this happened in our not to distant past.
What about our present? Does passing not still happen? Maybe not on the face of things i.e. colour and the like. However, there are other aspects of society to look at. Discrimination still occurs and this leads to people structuring their lives around social constructs. Are you passing? Are you encouraging passing? How do we stop this?

And even more music!

The weather is brilliant. With the met office promising even more higher figures, it can only get better. I'm already thinking of sand and sea as my jumpers and coats gather dust! Oh the joys of summer....
Look at me sounding like a sun starved Englishman when i have only just returned from Lagos. Still, one can't stop the feeling (why do i feel a song coming on)...
I suppose the sun has had it's effects, making put together the strangest play list on my ipod. I have made various CD combinations for different occasions in anticipation. It was handy though, because i came across music i hadn't heard in a while; and others not at all.
Thanks Naijadude for giving me the tip on Chris Botti who's sensual romance with the sax is great for suggested salubriousness. Thanks to Linda Ikeji (i don't believe i read her blog too) for reminding me about TEVIN CAMPBELL who apparently releases a new album this year. I got a few tracks of my stars album from the cranberries thrown together with some Vanessa Carlton to give it that alternative/ rock/ pop ish flavour. Back to some good ole dance tunes, i have turned to trouser snake's new album which i grudgingly admit is very good although i wonder if it was before or after the video of what goes around with Scarlett Johannsen....
Still on R n B, Jean Francois introduced me to French R n B star Cornelle who could be anything from R Kelly to Maxwell...totally amazing; especially as the songs are in french! Of course no summer play list of mine could be complete without Duran Duran. Asides the caddish/playboy identity they played so well, the prospect of them doing a live concert this year is fantastic....see, I've started singing Rio already!

P.S. First picture was taken last summer near cardiff!

Mentorship

I'm entering a writing competition that explores the issues of mentorship, a topic i am very passionate about. In my opinion, Nigeria lacks greatly in this department and this could greatly explain the issues with have with our society...contemporary Nigerian society i mean. How can a society exist when it does not cater for its future?
I have been very fortunate to have been born last to a family where every one's got your back, especially if you are the youngest. Being last, one could argue that i grew up rather quickly; my parent's inhibition on my case letting me explore and learn faster. This exposed me to accessing people i wanted to choose as mentors or life coaches in my future decisions. Some would argue that the role of the parent falls into this category but we all know that to be partly untrue, after all; there is only so much one can tell his parent....
I was sixteen or seventeen when i first met Funmi Iyanda. I was gawky, badly dressed and i think dreadfully shy as one is at that age. I smile as i think back to the time....what possessed me to do such unthinkables? I had an idea though and followed it through with the raw passion of naivety open to only the young. After the first few sentences, FI (as we call her) rushed me out to lunch and implored me never to stop trying. Well it didn't actually turn out that way, i lie!! We had a long conversation about all sorts of things but i think the most important thing i will take away from that meeting is the analogy of the Bumble bee and its defiance of nature's laws. I never forgot that...
I met Ade Bakare a couple of years later. An immensely talented designer and visionary, i told him that his foray into the Nigerian market would end in disaster...his reply? Well, he has successfully set up a branch in Victoria Island's Sandiland Arcade in Lagos and that is just the icing on the cake. His story has taught me more than anyone else's that you get what you want only if you want it badly enough.
To digress a little bit, isn't it funny how little pockets of inspiration come from the most unlikely places. Turns out i know the person behind uknaija, one of the blogs i totally appreciate; anonymously of course. It is a small world they say. Funny thing is, when i met uknaija in person (i wasn't a blogger then); i was very inspired by his intelligence and listened intently to all he had to say, telling myself that this is someone who could inspire. And then his alter ego does the same thing. I remember leaving a comment on his blog ages ago, something corny but precise. Well i do know him and for all those who read his blog, there's no arguing that there is intelligence there.
This society, British society i mean has learned the trick of the trade. They learned it ages ago. Mentorship is such an important structure of the mechanics of society; it should never be ignored. How can one have a present if your future is not taken care of? The Nigerian society has failed its youth, again not a revelation. As the Nigerian society continues to fail, then we will all have ourselves to blame. It is afterall our individual duties to make sure our futures are certain and this can only be done by ensuring future generations are provided for. What have you done about it?
Read about Funmi Iyanda here and Ade Bakare here.